Thursday, September 17, 2009

Americans abroad

How did Americans end up ruling the world? We asked ourselves this question after reading an account of some New Yorkers in Perth - and on Rottnest.

The hapless family's adventures are headlined 'The Worst Vacation Ever', which made Rotto Bloggo's bristles hackle.

After a quick read we were mollified: it was Worst due to the family's ineptness, weak stomachs and general pratfalls.

"We headed home to get ready for an evening boat cruise to Rottnest Island, have dinner, and return later that night. This is when the next round of trouble began...."

They liked the quokka, but interaction with other fauna wasn't so cheery.

"As my wife was chatting and enjoying a chip (French fry), she slowly went to put it in her mouth when I heard her scream and duck as if she had been hit. Well, she had! A seagull had come flying out of nowhere, knocked her head with its wing, and stole the chip right out of her hand as she was attempting to put it in her mouth!"

After more bird battles the family heads back to the mainland...

"About 10 minutes into the boat trip Sydney started to look a little green. Next thing you know there is an awful retching sound as she tossed her cookies…thankfully in a proper bag. Now the smell combined with the choppy waters brought on the gags for all of us. My wife was losing it, I was sweating so badly some had thought the boat had sprung a leak under my feet..."

Oh dear. We hope the sailors aboard those nuclear-powered aircraft carriers handle Gage Roads better than this mob. The rest of The Worst Vacation Ever involves sorry incidents with more seagulls, more vomit, hospitals and fast food.

Do you reckon these guys were fat?


  1. shazza9:40 AM

    Where to start? I mean this is a family clearly lacking an adventurous spirit, or strong constitution. Upset about spending a day in New York, intimidated by Kangaroos, sick whether on land or sea, harrassed by seagulls, and consider Subway to be a family outing worth mention.
    Perhaps the blow to the head by the ceiling fan will go some way to toughening up the son.

  2. jallenha10:06 AM

    That story was hysterical. Thanks for sharing it. I had visions of my own mother-in-law all the way through it. :)

  3. A comment on TWOP reminded me I needed to complain about Rotto.

    I have wonderful childhood memories of Rotto. The 10 hour trip out there on that oversized bathtub called the Captain Cook. Dad forewarning a disbelieving me: no cars!

    Also fond memories of after exams p*ssups.

    Went back a couple of weeks ago after many years absence: Farking. Cars. Everywhere.

    It’s a farking disgrace. Does every farker with a business there have 2 cars or something? I mean, it’s like 10am on a winter’s day mid week near the bakery and I have to wait for traffic. Lots of traffic. I have to corral the farking kids in case they get run over.

    Every walk I went on I’m stalked by stinky Rottnest Island Board trucks.

    I’m out past Longreach and I’m STILL FARKING DODGING MOTORISED TRAFFIC. Complete bullshit.

    If ya own the lease for the piss store and ya wanna make money delivering piss then use a farking bicycle rickshaw ya lazy farks.

    At the very least do what they do in the City malls. No traffic allowed at certain hours.

  4. Bill O'Slatter12:35 PM

    Seconded Big.These pricks need to grow legs.